I feel like ridiculously good looking male model Derek Zoolander.

I just don’t know the words.

It’s almost impossible to accurately describe what an absolute disaster of a film the Ben Stiller-Owen Wilson sequel Zoolander 2 is.

It’s not JUST that people once again weren’t really banging down the doors for a follow-up to the 2001 comedy which saw Stiller catwalk down the runway as part of the attempted assassination of a prime minister.

Zoolander 2 just plain isn’t funny.

There I said it.

From the opening seconds of the film where pop star pipsqueak Justin Bieber gets gunned down outside of Sting’s house, Zoolander 2 revolves around tired, bland jokes similar in vein to the ones you and your friends might have told in middle school when you were deliriously exhausted.

This is a film so unnecessary, disappointing and time-wasting that Leonard Maltin, one of the best film critics around, walked out of a press screening early. Mind you he NEVER does this.

Stiller, as co-writer/director/star, is a future triple threat nominee at next year’s Razzie Awards for Worst Actor, Worst Director and Worst On-Screen Duo with Wilson. The laziness he displays as a comedic director is only worsened by the fact that as both star and director he’s simply cashing a paycheck schmaltzing his way through his own abhorrent script.

Most of the rest of the ensemble cast – including Wilson, Penelope Cruz and the lamentable Benedict Cumberbatch – all deserve better than they’re given with in the script.

Wilson, following his turn as part of the fantastic Wes Anderson comedy romp The Grand Budapest Hotel, especially needs material above the in ridiculously poor taste material which finds him cheating on one orgy full of men, women and animals for another orgy full of men, women and animals. The fact that they compound this by having him supposedly impregnate all 11 members of his first orgy – including a really sad Kiefer Sutherland playing himself – is deplorable.

Will Ferrell, who apparently is the only one realizing how insanely terrible this sequel is, throws all caution to the wind and just lets it fly in the closest thing to humor there is. I often found myself wanting to like his performance, but unable to enjoy it given the rest of the comedic excrement on screen.

Fashion icon after fashion icon stroll through the scenery as Zoolander 2 gratuitously thrust cameo upon cameo into audiences’ faces as if to say, “See, all these people like us just because. You should too.”

There are numerous times throughout the movie where audience members will wonder “Hey, wasn’t that (insert name of famous person here)?” Yes, yes it was.

The only redeeming quality about Zoolander 2 is that it further accentuates the widening gap between popular comedy and good comedy. For every Trainwreck, there are 40 Zoolander 2s, Ridiculous Six-es and Pixels-es cluttering up the big screen.

Independent filmmakers are killing major box office studios in the number of truly great comedies by a large margin. Go watch Sleeping with Other People starring Jason Sudekeis and Alison Brie or Night Owls with Adam Pally and Rosa Salazar or The Overnight with Adam Scott and Taylor Schilling. Take a chance on Sundance comedy hits like Obvious Child with Jenny Slate and Jake Lacy or Dope with Shameik Moore and Tony Revolori.

Be original with your comedy choices.

Zoolander 2 can’t hold a candle to any of these smaller, streaming or VOD movies you probably have never heard of.

Don’t go see this movie. Don’t spend a nickel or a dime. It only encourages major movie studios that there’s enough money in poorly written, bad comedies to justify green-lighting dozens more.

At one point during Zoolander, Stiller and Wilson are taken to a hotel built entirely out of repurposed excrement. This is a film built the same way.

Enter at your own peril.

2 Comments on “Zoolander 2: A #Oops of a movie

  1. This movie is great. Don’t listen to the bad reviews, those people didn’t understand the humor. Zoolander 2 uses the same subdued satire and commentary on fashion and fads in the modern era but takes it to a higher level. It is amazing in that all the actors from the 15-year-old original returned. Just like the first movie, you also get the slapstick and obvious but quick gags. One word of advice, watch the original again before watching the new one. It is a quality sequel…


    • I’ve always said that every film has an audience, regardless of how the vast majority of critics or the public for that matter feel about a film. I’m glad that Zoolander 2 is something you enjoyed as much as it sounds like it did. You’re its intended audience. Where I think you go wrong is claiming that bad reviews come from those who “didn’t understand the humor” and sort of imply that unless you watch the original shortly before watching the second film, you won’t appreciate Zoolander 2. I watched Zoolander before screening the second film when it came out in theaters. I loved the original. It’s a dry, sardonic film that Will Ferrell and Owen Wilson absolutely kill in. Zoolander 2 just doesn’t work for me. It feels like a cash grab ploy rather than a concerted effort to make people laugh. Comedy sequels RARELY work. This is a prime example. I’m still glad you liked the film. Someone needs to.


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